Approved

Shot nosed and eager for a downfall

Another daycare!

Storm

Terror shivering in my bones,  lacking the substance to not be affected, I guess I'm just a coward, worthless to withstand extreme stress, a ragged doll slapped into the sea

In a Terrible State

how is the mind capable of such terrible nightmares?

why do people have to be rude and put others down?

why is there disease, dishonesty, and war? 

why are there no simple solutions?

I miss already

Oh oh ok

Now now now

Again again again

Please please

Goodbye Austin

Baggage

Upset, happy, or composed
I still welcome and hope for the intrusion, the welcomed frustration of your mind

trying to conquer the conquest of compressing 
my life into small bags to move, drag with me

Swollen

Fizz and a rush is all

mixed with the cold front outside

the sweet, warming thunder

swollen spider bit

and a mind ready to float into inebriation 

Secretly Falling Apart

my life is becoming a tangle of cords
black cords stringing together a life

i realize my life is simply fragmented thoughts
strung together like a bunch of cords
becoming the chords of my theme song
                         a glitch here, a crescendo there

scattered parts, unlinked except named splinters of a whole

Crushed

The sweetness evaporated. Time failing to dispel the fallacies that grip and guide me, drag me along, seducing me farther down the rabbits hole. Hollowed out minus the illusions that have become the only internal compass grizzled in hope and someday with a cherry on top. This is the rope burn I remain high off of, enchanted by, fueled by. Functioning without this toxicity isn't an option, no alternative exists, no cure, no treatment. The trail along the Colorado River feeding the nervous system, sending a ripple of peace and eagerness into this rhythm. It that glorious mix of water drowning my mind with the current and that breeze sweeping me along. All of it installing me this sense of awe and anticipation.

Up since 2:49am

the recurring theme in my life, everyone has their personal myth, most decisions in my life laced in the thought of the mystery, awe, the tonic of energy and brightness...

Haiku 4

To curl up, warm and
safe, able to sleep deeply,
waking to ideas. 

Evidence No. 5

Somewhat in a state of awe, the sofa was comfortable enough and slept enough hours, minutes, seconds where I'm not even sure I slept just endured the haze between staying up all night high off the moment

sh

Dissolve into someone, that's what I crave

coming out on the other side a better me, lighter, happier, embraced

relieved to have a counterpart, counterpoise, linked

     cruSH

     craSH

   smaSH

     slaSH

Consumed

I miss that feeling

Neurotic, comsumed, motivated by passion, intensely aroused and alert, insanely flipping he switch between sunlit happy to mile deep in the well sad

I miss the power and energy it charged in my marrow, buried in my gut, electrified in my mind

Grey Matter

Is the Sexiest part

Stranger

I have no words.

I'm armed with...

                      A pile of clothes?
                                Two sheets of paper that define my role in the workplace?
                 An urge to move to a city? Move away? Run away?
                      

Let's go!

Its not for me

More cautiously allowing entrance

The snide comments, the judging remarks, the intrusive questions

                    Barred!

The thick repulsive poison they spew

And i too

            Need to  s t o p

Plucking

here I sit, plucking out parts of my life I can do without

...old papers,
                      clothes that don't fit,
                                                        lost bits of me

Finding an Ending

Sweetly, ever so sweetly, the bathtub water rose, licking up to my shoulders and knees, engulfing my sins, and I embraced the warmth, allowing my bleeding emotion swirl with the clarity. The perfection in the moment to finally feel I am where I need to be, supposed to be, meant to be. I wish you could feel this way, understand what I mean, have first hand experience in the delectable moment. I've never felt this body was mine, and I'm free of it, leaving it slowing, draining out of it. Letting go of the breath that has weighed me down.

Moscato

The same part of me disgusted by world is in awe of it.

This Awe

Please doctor, make this permanent
Tattoo this urge into my bone
Do it! Help me see through these rose colored
Lenses

Nothing hurts, it can't
Its like morphine, a thousand orgasms
Its everything and nothing
Bottle this awe

Sell it to me, violate me as payment
Please doctor, keep me this way
Oh...shock therapy? Ok, I'll do it
Please doctor

Excited!

Austin, I have loved you.
Seattle, you are soon to be violated.

Turbulence Reigns

With flashlights and lightening
Burst

Swallowed by uncertainty
Subtle and ready to pounce

^_^

One of my fav youtube comments: I cannot verbally express how fucking orgasmicly good this song is, anything I say is an understatement.

eyes sting, unwilling to sleep, endure the blindness of sleep
its that sadistic hiss wooing me away

please, stay awake with me

be high with me on the night's pulse, roam trails in the dark, walking silently
deliciously heartbroken by all I won't know, see, touch, smell, do,
    immeasurably heartbroken being next to you
                                                                            incomparable 

come on (tugs on your hand)

please

I want it all, the night, the ocean, the wind, the drink in the pulse, the urge, the high, the height

savagely alive, deprived, craving to chase the night, splitting 

strings raping the sound,
  immeasurably ready, aimed to shoot
                         stars

please come with me, the waves want you, to taste what it has been missing, see, not just me that adores, please, sink into the darkness, wander, float

radiant with energy,
        bottle up the mood, urge, anticipation for the unknown,
             sell it to me, (it holds me prisoner until the next visit)
I will buy it, pay in blood, sweat, tears, whatever you ask,
     make it breed in my marrow, that crescendo
immerse me it, drown me it,
                                              anything you ask

Alive

This morning the grey morning, cold front came to my doorstep

to teach me
that the drunk boy
   purging in the bathroom
   pleading for love
   trying to harness what was before
   aching to feel complete
         reenacting how I have been
       
look, the grey morning got me high
     coffee and music, wandering in subspace
      a temporary dislocated spine from brain
       linked

  the cold front to teach me to enjoy the warmth
the layers
    blankets, sweaters, sweet scented flames

see, the cold front teaching me 
  

Random 1

Ready for a change of pace, to become embalmed in a new city's pollution, wandering in awe.

Haiku 3

The world moves, and I
stand waiting for our lives to
fit again once more.

Shell

Hours, days, months, years I have spent waiting for you, luring you out of your shell, and yet...

Discard this Thought

I'm not trying to flee this place.
   Just find another wonderland.

I'm not trying to discard this old parts
   Just looking for new layers

I'm not ...
   I'm moving forward.

Moving On

I miss that hope, passion, intensity seething through me, spilling from me, bubbling within. Its not here. Its calmed to a mellow understanding that life isn't as grandiose as I once mistook it to be, remain.

That velvet kiss of unending anticipation that passion won't surrender to obligation, responsibility, and adluthood has blown out. (New light bulb please.)

Its gone.

New

I'm only interested in shedding to get to new skin,
digging to a deeper level,
           moving to higher ground,
    and whatever other cliches you can add.

Disgust

My upper back feel open, vulnerable, unable to stop the disgust invading my blood. People are selfish, hold themselves above regard for other, eager to see someone else fall, fail, shatter.

Whatever it is, I lack the armor to protect myself, fend off the assault, lame.