Personal renaissance

Building this emotional rampart, buried with old words and lost thoughts, those unalloyed and savored points

Its a patchwork I learned, stitched the vestiges into ... we'll see...

Resignation to small defeats

Just no great

Anything, anywhere, anytime

Nigh-night

Running on one cylinder

Goodnight

Forgetting

Looking through the brambles, nothing to whet energy and a direction to surge towards.

Seized

Sorta jutting out
Plaster on a glaze marring
A way to reverse or out

Now

Moving alone

Resigned

Weave magic

It doesn't exist.

Nothing has a true affect.

Current

Something shifted that I can't name. Or maybe something else that I can't distinguish or something fell away. Whatever the cause, it changed a current in my blood. That change smoothed my mind, like blending the smoothie of its lumps. So this is the new me.

Haruki Murakami

Switching gears
One mood mode experiment to another
Different synchronization needed for every few pages
That's called reading a book of short stories
Called having convo
An odd password, trail, DNA: a, b,1,6, i, 8, light, hill, juicy, ATM

no steady rationale

Lay in

I want a gentle rocking boat small enough to lay in swaddled in the water  gentle waves cradling

Non-rushed lingering and sweet delicate and deliberately

Depleted/Revived

Mood seem to go up down depleted revived no known source causing the disturbances

I'm starting to think I've become

fragile left wrist becomes easily strained everything gives me s stomach ache all i crave is water and words to entertain

Missing a place I've never been a guy i never met unable to function at my tempo i miss my erratic life beat its like someone finally shocked my heart into regularity

The daily tides more manageable to other subtle jarring dives and springs in elevation smoothed

Aging process laying out a thin layer of calm or maybe losing the nerve to push for more

        Cause in not more

Formula 1

Oh yes

       Back

Unfortunately

I miss you

don't take too much...

I'm in love with ellipses...

the might be continuing the perhaps the maybes the somehows...

its alluring to hope and fantasize to feel a comma between breaths that space between breaths something submissive in this breath waiting for that breath to say those words that ever alluring comma to become bright and shiny and real

...just like an ellipses to cling to maybe becoming continuing on

...

Psycho, you know that?

Just wanted to deliver a special headline ^_^

May have

This portal in time, this space of heaven
You are this fiction I'm in love with to comfort myself, the idea I mold into my personal haven, sanctuary, priest, and fellow sinner. It's mine. My homemade womb of delusion and warmth.

Its not for me

To feel helpless
To be untouched
Unharmed
By you by others by it all
Unscathed free of scarring

Somehow i wish for a reverse button to argue over trivial fuck and lead into some out of control period of time hidden buried and treasured. Someone demanding my action because something fucked up in me gets off on following your tender lead to keep in your graces. Why? Why am i incapacitated from cutting off blood to the parts of my mind you're nestled an ocean in, under whales and darkness, miles under the pressure, straining the energy to revive the feeling the person you had bubble to fruition...almost, barely, apenas...

Tempted lured by a violence and sweetness in that reaction stroking the embers to savor more of it not just waiting for it missing it holding back tears every twenty minutes

Old Songs

speed blood, push through

sound

I miss that feeling of being attached, of letting someone else make the decisions, deciding my actions if only to make the other happy, content, stable enough to continue. That's been slashed down and the past still remains, content to cradle that as a delicious aftertaste.

passing

just be...

remembered...

savored

Language Dichotomy

Mensa (Spanish)- one who makes unwise decisions

MENSA (English)- brilliantly intelligent

Member

Suddenly

Sudden

Red and able to

De
      Tach

Oops

Just empty

The small box

Looming

Nothing

My Sick Addiction

the wrong dose

Let's play a Game

Where I'm not here

              and you don't exist.

Go!

Delusions of Hope

Oh, didn't you know?



..............................................doesn't exist!

Old

trace the memory of wrinkles.
              here's to the years
         arguments, trips, and late nights

salud

Saudade

crystal, its absolute crystal

in describing
       missing that long distance
             immense immersion intensely
          sweetly awaiting to re-emerge
          always re-emerge

that's the talent, the gift,
  the anticipation built on, needed, fantasized, awaiting to be christened
     the walls, the rooms, the words of past convos
     imagined voice, imagined tone, imagined force,

rambling, re-fantasizing here in front of you, my own peep show on display

all these stray phrases leading to a central idea: I miss... 
  in a word
                 saudade

Voted

For delicious bite marks trailing
   Liquid slithering
      Contaminating, conquering

I voted for
    destruction of my mind for your amusement
  will for your sense of being
    sanity for you to feel secure
       darkness to feel immersed, hidden, unknown, undiscovered, ashamed...

Discontinued

Numb, moving, poked
No ideas left in this
Living the virus high